he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I want to be your penis for a week.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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