dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
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nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
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It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?