I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.