I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious