i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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