his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
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