I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize