i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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