He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Too much gin, very little bucket
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
