That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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