you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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