ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
