If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
