So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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