i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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