i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
