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Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
