its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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