I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
