Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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