everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
her facebook's as public as her vagina
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
