My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Still dying that you shit outside
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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