For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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