I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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