Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
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He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
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There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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