Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
