so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
