Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
