That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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