I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You smell like stripper and shame
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
