were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize