I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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