it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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