Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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