She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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