I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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