I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize