Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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