if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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