Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I've blown a few things in my day
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
