It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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