i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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