Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
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you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
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Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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