Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
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He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
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I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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