Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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