Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
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I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
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Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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