Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Randomize
