I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
