You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
