Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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