I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
