i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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