Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
